It's September 4th, 2020, and Singapore doesn't fuck around with COVID.

I spent months locked alone in my studio apartment. I didn't see anyone in person for longer than it took to get a takeaway cup of coffee at the cafe next to my flat. Months without human contact, months never seeing another human without a mask on. 

It messes you up.

It's September now and we've been out of quarantine for a while, but I still feel weird and raw in the world. Like all of my nerves are one big, emotional sunburn. Nothing feels quite right or quite comfortable. I have permanent cabin fever and never want to be at home, but outside is overwhelming. I'm not used to seeing so many people. So I get stressed and I go back to my apartment until I'm itchy to go outside again, so I start to text a friend to hang out, delete the message, go to the park or the cafe or the mall until I get stressed enough that I need to leave. Ad nauseum. It's been like this and I feel like every day is like this, that I will never get off the island, and nothing will ever feel right again. 

Most days. [Not today][Boreas].